Life No Longer Makes Sense

I worked during the day for the first time since I began work. More than than perhaps… I woke up at 7.00 AM for the first time since I left college.

The streets were still a little empty and the harsh summer sun hadn’t begun to boil the air. It felt good being back on the bike after such a long time. And it all added to this slight sense of unreality about the entire thing. I’m living in a slight sense of surrealness combined with paranoia. Or valid fear, depending on how you look at it.

By afternoon, there was the euphoria combined with the sense of unreality. Time moved fast and slow. I just do not get a grip on things anymore.

And that is perhaps also how I missed my best friend’s wedding.

I knew I would not be able to make it for her wedding but I knew there was a reception that I could attend but between the various shitty things that i’ve been doing or avoiding, I completely forgot about it. I hadn’t got the invite so I forgot about when it was either, and had no clue about where it was. And this is the sweetest of my friends 😥

And I thought of it today when she called really upset that I did not turn up. And it was only then I realised that i had not got the invite with the address. In this age of e-address, she wanted me to see the pretty invitation card they had designed. And I figured she would be too busy with her wedding preparations to actually check her emails or attend to calls so I never bothered to do anything more than send a message asking when. I figured she’d reply when she’d the time and forgot about it absolutely.

And I feel absolutely miserable to think about it now 😦 The precious day of her life and I was not there because I could not get off work. It would be too fussy to ask for more leaves to go… and I was absorbed in something I cannot even remember about that I forgot to follow it up. How do I ever make up for these moments that will never come back?

It kills me to even think of it!!

And today I receive two more invites in my inbox and I’m wondering about them. I know I shall probably not attend those events… but it just reminds me of the one I missed and I just hate it.

Life is just… gone weird on me.

Song of the day: I don’t want to do this anymore

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