The Bee

The restlessness creeps in again. I am not sure why.

Here I sit with a glass on wine, not really wishing to have a wine glass to pour that into, after a slightly different saturday evening. It was peaceful… it was crazy.

This restlessness is simple. It can be cured with a good book, a good movie and a good drink. I am bored of the clubbing scene here and yet I wish for that drink in hand and the loud music. It is perhaps sheer banality that pushes me into doing things which I wouldn’t be doing otherwise.

A friend of mine finally gathered the courage to quit her mundane job and do what she thought she’d like to try. I do admire her courage even if others call her a little crazy. Her job wasn’t what she was trained for – like mine is. It wasn’t even what she dreamt of doing all her life. Mine is.

That is the fear I guess… I knew this was what I wanted to do but now that I am here, this isn’t exactly how I had pictured her. Reality is often different, the adults say. The wise people tell us that we need to make adjustments and go on living. I don’t get that. Why adjust? Why not look for something that you really want?

I am a coward who doesn’t have the guts or the patience to go looking for it. I am too used to luxuries to give it up. Of course we need money for whatever it is to be done. But I also deeply envy those who have given up the job and just switched countries to do it. But why are these people that I meet mostly non-Indian?

I do not want to think about this. My head reels and my eyes burn. So I shall go back and delve into mundaneness and banality which will numb my mind, or least one active part of it.

Song of the day: A song I liked. I’ve no idea about the title

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