The Book of Eli

Avoid it. Just don’t even think about it. Pretend like the movie never released, which would have been better.

I cannot believe that a fine actor like Denzil Washington acted and produced the movie!!! The images in the movie – bleak, stark, grey, rubble and just vast plains – seem to be taken from Google maps and used as background with the addition of some other weird stuff the director wanted. The movie starts off promising… a dark forest, dead people and Washington quietly stringing a bow to shoot a small wild cat that is feeding on other bodies. He then finds an abandoned house, finds a guy there who has hanged himself and with cold practicality, strips off the dead guy’s boots to use it for his own.

He cooks the cat, and settles down with his ipod or some other such rip off. And that is where the interesting moments of the movie ends.

Morning brings bleakness… the tone for the rest of the movie. And it isn’t the sort of bleakness which pulls at your heart. You look it and just settle back to hope that there is more interesting stuff on its way.

And that stuff would be hijackers – which throws your theory that the guy is the last man standing out of the window – and which is also supposed to portray Washington’s combat ability… the swish of a knife, the ability to kill all men in less than 10 seconds and be unwinded. Except, you sort of blink in confusion instead of admiring his work.

So then he comes to a town… which makes you wonder whatever happened to mankind that they are back to living like in the medieval ages, except now they’ve batteries, guns and electricity. There is the rich guy, as always, who is on a quest for books and he wants ONE particular book. Which we have already been told our boy has it.

Washington (whose name is Eli, as we find out much later but I tell you now to make it easier for me) kills a few of the rich guy’s boys, the rich is intrigued and wants to recruit him but Eli wants to be on his way. Of course, in his calm manner, he accepts to stay for the night and the rich guy gives me clean water (which is precious), bread (which we can always do with) and a pretty girl. The girl is the rich boy’s forced mistress’ daughter and she is bowled over by the courteous way Eli treats her plus the way he says grace before dinner.

The thing is she never heard grace before in her life and that’s when you find out that religion is what is missing from the world. And instead of making it a better place, apparently its become worse and the rich guy wants the Bible, which is the book Eli has with him and reads every night. The rich guy believes having that book will make him powerful and people will listen to him

So Eli runs in the morning, the girl follows him… cutting the chase (which isn’t that brilliant anyway), the rich guy catches up, shoots Eli and takes the book. The girl escapes and Eli is alive as well and they make it to the West Coast – the SF bridge, completely broken, and reach a slightly greener and cleaner place and turns out Eli knows the book by heart.

Now comes the tricky part – the rich guy realises the entire book is written in Braille. And the camera pans to Eli’s eyes as he is reciting ‘let there is light’ bit from the Bible… and you wonder is he blind? or is that just a way of keeping this safe from people? You never find out… Eli dictates the entire book to that old, bearded guy who prints the book and pushes it between the Quran and something else and you see the girl leaning over a stone with Eli’s name on it and then she takes off as the lone walker.

The point? No clue. I just know I wasted two fricking hours in that movie!!!

Song of the day: Bob Dylan: Tambourine Man

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