A 2 hour 30 minute spoof of every single action hit you’ve ever seen.
An absolute disaster and waste of time from the man whose claim to fame right now is that he is the younger brother of Anurag Kashyap.
I wish it had been tagged a spoof or a comedy… so you would walk into the movie expecting that and have a laugh riot. I mean… that is what Salman Khan is trying to do right? With the Ray Ban glasses and formal pants a size too tight for him? For a moment I thought he was imitating those yesteryear South Indian stars… if anyone is familiar with Vishnuvardhan, please do check out some of his cop movies and tell me if you do not notice some similarities.
The plot? Oh yeah… … … … err… Well… You’ve Chulbul Pandey aka Robin Hood Pandey aka Salman Khan with too tight pants who is a cop in small town UP. The offspring of Dimple Kapadia whose acting skills are completely wasted, and the step son of Vinod Khanna… and of course, the step brother of his real life bro Arbaaz Khan.
Then the director pulls out his checklist… two boys shitting in sugarcane field and talking about future life – check. Two boys establishing they are step brothers, ergo must hate each other – check. The older step brother, after being slapped by dad for weird reason, wows to become super star – check.
21 years later (no more bees saal baad. After all this is 21st century)… enter Matrix Style Salman Khan… who slams all the dacoits, recovers money and does some thumkas at the same time. Of course, the government isn’t bothered about pesky details like who gets that recovered money so the Robin Hood puts it in his safe. Mommee dearest of course has another key. You do wonder if he is a corrupt cop by seeing the amount of money he has in that safe but hey! apparently he is not.
Except he leaves the thieves alive, and they are after his life. But hey! wait… where was that checklist? Oh yes! Girl to dance around with. So he jumps through a roof… lands on a girl changing… flirts with her, inquires about her marital status and such little things, hands her the sari and tells her he’ll come back to marry her and then goes back to the ‘hot’ chase, executes some Matrix style leaps and jumps, adds some Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee… and other movies whose name is blurred by this movie right now.
Then he starts chasing the girl… you know like randomly circling her, pretending to arrest her dad and making her come into the police station. And of course, nobody dares say the word harassment, least of all whatshernewface girl who remains mute till she smiles and done. Of course, she says she won’t marry till her alcoholic dad dies. wow.
Oh yes… the other step brother. Totally useless. Seems to have some animosity towards elder step bro. Named Makkhi aka Fly. Oh and has girlfriend who daddy isn’t happy with cuz she is poor schoolteacher ki beti meaning no dough.
So the Fly steals big bro’s key, steals money, gets caught by mom but tells her he needs it… gives it to teacher. Mommy dies. Funeral happens and daddy tells Chulbul no longer family we are. Fly plans wedding.
Meanwhile, Chulbul tells his girl’s dad “Me wanna marry daughter. Do something” and daddy promptly leaps off the bridge and kills himself. But nobody wastes time getting sad… Chulbul marries the girl at mantap meant for younger bro… Fly’s marriage gets canceled. Fly has reason to hate. Check.
Are you bored yet? Do you wanna stab yourself? Or me? Are you still reading?
Yes? Then I shall spare you the rest. I’m sure you’ve seen enough hindi movies in your lifetime to guess how it all ends. I’ll give you a hint… there is a bad politician who doesn’t like Salman Khan. There is a good politician who holds like a ‘public court’ everyday. Do the math.
Why did they do this? I mean… the movie could’ve been salvaged. Or maybe not. It does quite work as a spoof… with Salman Khan barely managing to move those hips through the extra tight pants. The silly mustache. And the Ray Ban glasses. Every cop, every person who is someone is wearing those glasses. Like seriously?!?! WTF?
The plot is so loose and meandering that you can literally see the director checking each item off his list. The second half gets a little more interesting with the politics and stuff but barely. There isn’t time left to establish intrigue… or the meat. The director spends too much time establishing motive for hatred, which ironically would’ve been done in reel 1. The new girl really doesn’t have a role… all the talent in the movie is wasted… and if there was acting, we are too busy laughing at Salman Khan’s antics (which i’m not sure were meant to be funny… he swings from serious to joker in a blink) to really care.
Someone needs to tell the director that the 70s and 80s were long over, even in the South. And though we grew up with those movies… we prefer something slightly different now.
Would I recommend the movie? Yup. It is hilarious. And you can play a game… guess what movie each action sequence was taken from. Whoever wins doesn’t have to pay the ticket price.
Edit: I forgot to mention – this is one movie where Salman keeps his shirt on pretty much through out the movie. Like every single scene. Till the very end… when he brings out the chest Hulk-style. True story. Check out the movie and then tell me.
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