Dating

The dating world out there is a minefield. There are so many possibilities, so many disasters and worse. Even after you think the guy/girl is cute, there is the approaching them, agreeing to go out, compatibility and all that stuff.

So in all this drama, if two friends seem to be hitting it off, or if one friend is coming on a little strong to another friend – do we really have the right to warn them?

Personally, I’d appreciate a well-placed warning about someone whom my friends know is not particularly stable or wouldn’t suit me.

Here are two scenarios:

Friend A is hitting on Friend B. B isn’t particularly interested… because she isn’t on the look out right now. So she politely says no, thanks. But A persists. And persists. Till B starts feeling it is a little creepy.

What do well meaning friends say when she turns to us for advice? Giving advice, I’ve found, often comes to bite us back in the ass. Nobody complains if things go well, but if they don’t… people are looking for someone to beat up. So I try this balancing act… and wonder what I would want to be told in a similar situation.

Some friends say ‘tell him straight up that he’s a loser and you are not interested.’

While some, the romantic ones, say “give him a chance.” And I’ve begun getting irritated with those well-meaning friends recently… because you go by instincts in relationships. Sometimes, you fear getting involved even if you like the guy… and then the push is good. But when you are clearly not interested, is that push good? And how does one politely tell A to buzz off?

Scene 2:

Two friends are hitting off really well…. you introduced them. Both are really good friends of you, though in different ways. But A is more the happy-go-lucky sorts, while B is slightly the traditional sort who is trying out her new shoes. And B is also getting a few ideas. As an adult, I’d say let it run its course. She might get hurt, or they might end up together. Why should we interfere?

And then you remember the trauma she went through the last time something like this happened. You remember the sort of person she is and he is. And you want to smack yourself for introducing them, and break both their necks for behaving like idiots.

***

The point I’m trying to make – in all these confused words – is that there is no sure remedy. The most unlikely people end up together and while the perfect fit sometimes fall apart. So how do you know when to put in your two pence worth, or even if you should?

My readers would perhaps unanimously say ‘stop meddling’. But we are humans… we always meddle. Even the ‘well-meaning’ advice you gave a friend that the guy is a loser is meddling. Or advice that he’s the best guy they’ll ever find. While the final decision rests up to the person, close friends’ words do matter. I’ve often disregarded what my friends told me… or even the voices in my head said. And it is generally been a disaster.

When we are too close to the picture, we cannot see the details that mar the prettyness. We just see a beautiful, blurry tapestry.

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