Relationships are tough in the best of times. Add busy work lives, different temperaments and quarter-life crisis to it and the picture never looks pretty. And now there is also the problem of too many ways of communication that just confuses things.
I was accused recently by a friend of mine of contacting him only when I wanted something. It hurts… particularly when the friend is a close friend. I know the background of the statement and that he would probably forget he said that and be perfectly okay in a few hours. But the first reaction is temper… and wanting to prove that the statement is not true.
I randomly sifted through some previous conversations in my mind. Times when there were random coffees and conversations… the kind of conversations that there is no record of. Ironically, the one conversation that is on record is where he does not believe me when I say I just pinged to say hi and see how he was doing. He didn’t believe that people did that.
Strangely, most people don’t. Facebook and cellphones, SMS, emails and Blackberry messages have made it so that we can convey what needs to be conveyed in a few words and there is no space for embarrassment generally in those few words. “Hey can you get me this?” or “Can you do this” is generally the message and there is no space for concern and niceties. People don’t take it the wrong way if you just send someone an email on Facebook and say that you want something. Unfortunately, that also means there are fewer of those ‘what u upto’ mails.
For personal conversations, I actually prefer the phone. Or lengthy emails, when I’m broke. I’m used to having friends across the globe and every once in a month, despite busy schedules there is always a ‘oh shit i’m sorry i forgot to mail’ calls or messages. And that generally suffices because you know the person thinks of you.
I try hard not to fall into the trap of non-communication with friends. It is really easy to do that. You see feeds on Facebook everyday and seeing the name everyday makes you think you are in touch. Which is why is rankles when someone makes such a statement. I am selfish, bitchy, impatient and a lot of other things that are probably not politically correct. But when I’m wrong, I accept it. And when I’m unfairly accused, I also hate it.