For starters, Cap’n Jack Sparrow does not think it is savvy. True story. He rarely says ‘savvy’ in the movie. He does not seem as drunk, funny and smart in the movie either.
The movie starts out funny, Sparrow is in chains and at the gallows as usual. But his escape lacks the usual flair. There are long moments in the movie where nothing really happens. There is a lot of conversation and it seems like the movie makers are trying to give Jack some ‘heart’ by adding the whole romantic perspective with Penelope.
Penelope Cruz makes a far more interesting, convincing and hotter pirate than Kiera Knightley did. She has the moves, she has the face and she looks good wearing a captain’s cap. But the whole movie just falls flat because it lacks the one thing that made the other movies in the series a hit – panache and well, fun.
There are far fewer one-liners from Sparrow… there is a lot less swaying… and he does not have a good anti-Sparrow character, which was perhaps Orlando Bloom and Knightley put together. They were straight, simple with a bit of badness… a nice contrast to Jack’s true but slightly twisted concepts of good and bad.
Oh yes… and the lack of weird creates. This is Pirates. We expect Davy Jones’ type of weird beards, Krakens, the witch Tia Dalma and dangerous expeditions… and the Black Pearl!
Instead, we had Black Beard, who did not even have a beard. All he had was a sword that wasn’t even shown properly. Davy Jones least made you feel creepy.
As for the other villain side, you have a bunch of Spanish soldiers who are intent on destroying the fountain for, wait for it…………………………………. religious reasons! Shoot me dead now!
The only interesting character in the entire movie were the mermaids. I wish they had taken over the movie.
Oh and what was the point of 3D?
Let’s not make this a serious message movie. Pirates is supposed to be fun. Let’s keep it on the high seas.