Transformers 3

Yet another movie with living cars and other machines. And a movie that makes me say words that I never thought I would – I miss Megan Fox.

Seriously!

She was hot, she seemed to have more brains and purpose than the tall, European chick in white who is there in the 3rd installment of the cartoon-to-movie saga.

Everyone knows the first one was the best. It was a plain good-vs-bad, blow up cars and buildings fiesta with some kick ass cars that turned into, well, living machines. On TV, even the second one seems okay.

But this one? It started going downhill from perhaps 20 minutes into the movie.

Sam is all but forgotten by the country that he so daring helped save. So now, he’s out hunting jobs and he obviously cannot ask all those covert ops guys for  reference. But he still manages to score a smoking hot girlfriend who seems to be heavily influenced by Wilkie Collins novel Woman In White.

But those autobots and deceptions haven’t forgotten Sam, even if his country has. So there he is, back into the action, playing messenger boy.

Perhaps Hollywood is being heavily influenced by Bollywood, but they are trying to add a lot of luurv and pink hearts into all these movies. So Sammy is in love with the woman in white, who has a boss – Patrick McDreamy Dempsey.

Dempsey apparently ran out of roles of playing chocolate boy, so now he tries the other cape – the villian. And fails miserably. You can manage to watch him playing syrupy lover because he just needs to look dreamy… but a villian?

Humble request, Mr. Dempsey. Go back to your Enchanted world!

I really don’t know what happens in the rest of the movie. There was a lot of metal, that I take were those good and bad machines blown up – I couldn’t tell who was who. There were also a lot of humans being blown up but there was no blood.

New York has apparently succumbed to all the alien/terrorist attacks, so the scene is now moved to Chicago.

So a bunch of buildings are destroyed, love triumphs, the good guys win and Sam has his sexy car aka BumbleBee and the sexy girlfriend. And all would’ve been well with the world if the bloody movie has been about an hour shorter… or better yet, never made!

Sidenote to all those directors planning more movies in 3D – DON’T!

Avatar was super cool and all that because they took the time, the money and the effort to make it look that awesome. We don’t want to put on ugly, uncomfortable glasses for 3 hours just to watch a piece of paper fly close to my nose once in the fricking movie. Make it normal. Save us the torture.

PS: I would want the Woman in White’s white jacket. All that debris and chaos and there isn’t like one smear on it. Not a single one. Or her make up.

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