The Answers I’d Really Like to Say

Q: So are you a professional photographer?
Me: Not really. I just shoot and then take money from you for the photographs. I’m actually a professional assassin, so these are recon photos.

Q: Do you have all your equipment?
Me: Well, now that depends on what you are talking about.

Q: What kind of equipment do you use?
Me: A stand, a black cloth, a rope, old film, a car, a bike, cards, computers, printers, phones… no heavy machinery, least not when I’m drunk.

Q: What camera do you have?
Me: Well, I could give you the model number and make but honestly, you wouldn’t understand anything. So why don’t we just pretend I answered and you understood and felt intelligent and move on.

Q: Your photographs are really good. Did you take a course in photography?
Me: Yes. That is why I’m such an awesome photographer. You simply cannot be an awesome photographer without doing a course, right? Like how Paris Hilton took a course in how to be a socialite/moron.

Q: We really don’t know if we can pay you so much. Will you be willing to negotiate and cut down your prices?
Me: Of course. I also work for free food, fuel for my car and a maid to clean my room.

(Sigh yeah… I’m being bitchy. But sometimes…)

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