A Rant on Shopping

Four hours on the street and not a single thing bought. Three hours online and all I have to show is a single little top that, lucky me, was on a sale.

The modern woman today is apparently particular about what she wears. The modern Indian woman is apparently even more exacting.

Why then in the hundreds of sites and apps are similar products of bad quality? Where are the rich fabrics, the fun designs? And if you do come across one or the other, they come with a hefty price tag with it.

Shopping today is no longer fun. It is a riot of clothes, bad tailoring, worse fabrics and makes you wanna scream. Every time you see those little list “5 must haves in your wardrobe”, you wanna slap the writer because you know most of that is paid. Or the writer has a fantastic salary or an inheritance.

The common girl simply cannot survive fashionably in this city. Reading the listicles online make you wonder if all those good things are simply eluding you.

I’m someone who appreciates quality. I hate this concept of fast fashion where you clothes not only go out of style in a few months, but fade away as well. As someone who has my favourite clothes from a decade ago (and yes, many of them came back into fashion as well!), I choose my clothes with care and love and I want them to last.

But in the days where ‘subscription’ is the norm and not buying, fast is preferred over quality, fashion doesn’t allow you the same luxury. From what my fashion-conscious friends tell me, there are some brands that do last but the price tag… well, I mentioned that before already right?

There was a time when I bought Ferragamo and Bardot and dailywear were brands… but it is all so boring today. Putting together a look requires more effort… even the t-shirts are badly shaped! The $2 t-shirt fits me better than the $20 branded wear.

And since this is a rant, I can perhaps conclude it – where the hell do you get quality, funk and prices for normal human beings?

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Women Empowerment

 

Women are supposed to be easier to market to than men. Why? Because women are apparently more susceptible to suggestions. We tend to take things at their face value. If an ad says “use this shampoo and you’ll have awesome hair”, we will go try it out. Is it because we’re trying to constantly aspire for a better body image or we are just fools? I think it is the former.

Because women aren’t fools always. They know how to take advantage of a situation.

Recently, a friend of mine got into a spot of trouble on the road. She was backing out for a legit parking spot, and someone coming in the wrong direction banged her car. She started fighting with the guy and demanded he pay to fix the damages. A crowd collected, and they were pretty supportive of her. But as usual, there were some who were supporting the guy and telling her to let it go.

A plump old aunty came to my rescue, my friend said. She started arguing with the guy much more loudly, and finally threatened him in Hindi “If you don’t back off, she’ll put a molestation and rape case on you. We’re tear her clothes a bit and then we’ll see how you won’t pay damages.”

The statement shut up most people and apparently the crowd dispersed quietly. My friend was too shocked to do anything more than take the now-subdued guy’s number and move.

This isn’t the first time such a thing has come in conversation. Another lady advised a friend to complain about someone who was troubling her (in a absolutely non-sexual way). “Tell the cops he attempted to rape you,” the lady said. The disturbing part was she actually meant it.

How does this India co-exist with an India where women who have been subject to this atrocity kill themselves?

We thought that women being raped as a form of punishment was abhorring enough. Now, we find out that women are filing fake rape complaints to get their way. What makes it worse is that a woman is ready to destroy a person’s reputation and life for something as trivial as a fender bender. Or because someone complained about the dogs in your apartment.

On one hand, we are facing serious issues regarding women empowerment. We are facing issues in getting the cops to take molestation and rape seriously. We want them to be educated and be sensitive towards people who’ve suffered – men or women. And on the other, we have women who are misusing these laws to further to their own agenda.

Cases of sexual harassment have become the norm. And today, I find it hard to believe anything that I read. A comment on a nail polish colour could be construed as sexual harassment.  A opinion about how someone has become fat is considered as sexual harassment.

Is this what women empowerment is?

Superwoman

Once you are past the age of 30, your Facebook feed invariably consists of baby posts and mommies posting about their adorable munchkins or how tough it is to be a mommy. There are those one-off posts from women who do not want to have babies, and are feeling pressurised by society to have kids.

Strangely, most of the women are sharing posts about how tough it is to have it all and how they don’t want their child to grow up being a ‘latchkey’ child.

The term ‘latchkey child’ apparently originated in 1942, but in India, I first heard it at the age of 18 when someone called me a ‘latchkey child’. And here I was thinking it was pretty cool to come home, open the door myself and decompress after school, and that my mother thought I was responsible enough not to burn the house down in the few hours I was at home by myself.

I loved coming back to an empty home, with the knowledge that others will be home soon. The house is quiet, nobody is asking you annoying questions about how your day went and you can just sit and stare at a blank wall and let all the stress of the day go away before the others come home.

I’d be mostly out of home in half an hour, playing with friends, so my mother had the same privilege of coming home and not having to tend to a child immediately, after a stressful day. She’d sort herself out with her stuff and was probably a lot calmer.

Looking back, I had absolutely no issues being a ‘latchkey child’ and would not want to change that for all the money in the world. It taught me how to be alone and keep myself occupied. I did not burn the house down. I did not even flood the house. I learnt how to sleep alone. I wasn’t afraid of the dark or cockroaches and lizards.

So when I hear about all the fuss and worry about mothers wondering how to let their kids alone, I wonder if it is more guilt on their part than about the child. With the numerous technology tools today, it is easy to monitor the child at home. And thankfully, being in India, you always have neighbours to look out for the child. Massive apartment complexes have enough security that you do not have to worry about your child running out on the street.

Being a working mom can be challenging, no doubt. I can only imagine the guilt you would feel for enjoying yourself when your child is home with the father or other family members. Perhaps you feel guilty about enjoying your work and wanting to go back to work. One of the Sex & The City Episodes is one of the few popular media to cover this logically… about a woman wanting to go back to work after having a baby. Fathers do. Perhaps they don’t have a choice, even if they wanted to spend the whole day with the child.

So why do women question themselves when they have another interest other than the baby?

Pants vs Skirts

You know why pants were made? For horseback riding. Because people needed something comfortable, and to protect their legs. And there are some who say that the first trouser was invented by a Queen – a woman.

But if you are a woman wearing pants today, at some point you are asked the question ‘why do you dress like a guy’?

Our dresses have evolved over centuries, wherein certain garments became popular with men and some for women. Trousers veered to the men’s side mainly because they were out working, doing tasks that required horse riding, and jumping on fences and other things that did not need a garment getting in the way. And women continued with the airy (and then not so airy) garments of skirts and dresses.

Now that women are back out on the streets again doing things, why not go back to that simple garment of pants? It is comfortable. It gives you pockets to shove your keys, cellphone and money into. It means you can sit with your legs up without worrying about your dignity. It means you do not have to worry about a strong wind and flying dresses. It means you stay warmer.

Luckily for women, we’ve had the freedom to take back certain items of clothing. For men, not so lucky. Wouldn’t a guy want to wear something loose and comfortable to work in this heat? Except for Americans, and some parts of Europe, there are forms of a ‘skirt’ still popular, if not in the workplace. A mundu / lungi / sarong is quite popular in Asian countries. Romans wore long tunics, ensuring they survived the hot summers.The Greeks wore some version of it. So why not bring it back? If men will (and that’s the tough part) why shouldn’t they be allowed to wear skirts to work?

Women’s Women

Kalki Koechlin. Nandita Das.

You rarely hear about men liking these women. They don’t find them hot. They don’t find them interesting. But women… women love them. Not quite the same way they admire actresses like Priyanka Chopra or Katrina Kaif, but they have a different sort of affection for such women.

Why? To some of us, the answer to this is easy. Because these women are simply themselves. They do not set unrealistic standards for the regular women to achieve. They are almost regular women, with some fame and nicer clothes thrown in.

They have bad hair days, fat days, pimples, tanned skin and more. And more importantly, they are comfortable in their skin. kalkikoechlin-sexualabuse

In the world of unrealistic body sizes and fashion sense, the regular woman feels pushed towards these ideals and it takes a tough fight to remain true to yourself.

Your body image is not entirely of your creation. We aspire to be slender. Not thin. Not fat. Slender. Sleek. With the right size of boobs and ass, and great shiny hair. And if we could have managed it in some ways, the right length of leg as well.

But the right size of boobs, ass and shiny hair actually takes a whole lot of maintenance. It takes money on products, it takes working out regularly, eating healthy and weekly trips to the salon, where you spend more time and money. And honestly, the average working women just does not have the time. Do you think we’d rather go to the parlor and suffer unspeakable tortures after a crazy week or get into our PJs, pour some cheap wine and pig out in front of the TV?

Personally, what I like about Kalki is she is not the bra-burning feminazi that’s become so common today. She is almost just a women, trying to live in this world. Of course, the pedigree helps… but there are some things that’ll never change no matter how rich or poor you are.

We’ve been conditioned to standards of beauty and fashion over centuries. With more media being thrown at us, these ideals are being reinforced quicker and stronger. Young girls are flooded with images on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, news sites, pop idols wherein people are a particular way.

If your genes bless you with a great body, you might have a little less teenage angst. But what if you are NOT the right size? What if you are just a teeny bit fatter? Thinner? Your hair is frizzier? You are shorter. You have a lot of hair and your parents don’t allow you to wax till you are 16.

Guys have their set of problems too… I’m pretty sure I do not know about most of it, but there are pressures to be and behave a particular way. Which is perhaps why guys like Rahul Bose make an impression. Many guys are not really keen on saying that they ‘like’ him… because masculinity demands that you do not subscribe to such notions.

We need more public figures who stop reinforcing stupid, unachievable aspirational images. No, I’d never want to be a Katrina Kaif or a Bipasha Basu. What I’d like is to be quietly graceful (and that’s as unachievable as the moon!). So I’d rather be myself… uncoordinated, sometimes graceful, and wacky.

Being a Girl with Hair

 

Have you ever thought how much women, on average, spend on hair? Yes, I know we are supposed to be the spend thrift, consumerist, favorite with the advertisers because we are so easy to sell to sorta people. But perhaps it is our own warped self-image, the society’s steep expectations or media’s portrayal… or whatever it is, but a lot of it boils to one simple factor – hair.

A woman becomes aware of her hair when she hits puberty. Till then, the stuff on your head is just something to be kept out of the way and the rest of it does not matter. Then suddenly, you have to actually pay attention to these cells.

Let’s see what an average woman, living in a city with a decent job, in the age group of anywhere from 21 to 45, needs for the hair on her head.

  1. Shampoo
  2. Conditioner
  3. Leave-in conditioner
  4. Serum
  5. Anti-frizz
  6. Hair Mask
  7. Hair Spray (to whip it into shape on those bad hair days)
  8. Oil
  9. Heat Protection Serum

Yep, we need alllll that to make ourselves look halfway decent. Not glam. Just presentable.

On average, we spend about INR 3,000 per month on all these prettying ‘basic’ products – and that’s by going for something just above the low-range of products. I’m not talking salon-level products.

Next, since we are obsessed about hair, we need to ensure that the remaining part of the body is free of hair. Which means bi-weekly appointments at the salon for waxing arms, legs, most part of the face, and if you are adventurous, a brazilian as well. When the bikini or the wedding season comes around, you might also need to wax your back, your stomach and well, maybe your whole body. Not accounting for the hours of pain, this also means an average of INR 1,500 per month for removing  the hair from your body.

Then there are the hair cuts – and the search for the perfect hair stylist is as tough as the search for the perfect pair of pants. A single hair cut at a good salon – you are down another 2 grand every 3 months (if you are religious about maintaining your hair, that is).

Of course, you cannot forget the ‘special occasions’ wherein you’ve to get the hair washed, shined and polished styled and set. Which is another INR 1,500 each setting. Believe it or not, most women have at least one occasion every month for which they need to hit the parlor!

Some of us also enjoy a calming head massage along with the other painful treatments, which means another INR 1,500 each month.

Let’s do the math: 3,000 + 1500 + 650 + 1500 + 1500 = 8150

We’re spending about 8 fricking grand on hair every month! That’s 96,000 a year!

All because we are obsessed with this thing called hair – which grows on every single human being over the age of 12.

What makes you a Powerful Woman?

There is just so much hooha about ‘feminism’. You are doomed if you will and you are doomed if you won’t. But then, what’s new in that? Women have always walked that tightrope… and have always gotten slammed no matter which side they picked. And the people doing the slamming are generally other women.

One of the latest things is about naked photographs of women celebrities online. Happened a while ago… photos are perhaps still circulating. But there were a bunch of articles today that were like sitting on a seesaw. They talked about naked women’s photos, women’s depiction in the media and of course, the everyday woman who is apparently beaten up by her drunken husband.

It got me wondering – who is really the ‘powerful’ woman?

Hillary Clinton on the cover of Time? Aishwarya Rai on the cover of Vogue. Kim Kardashian with her own reality show?

What defines them as successful? Nigella Lawson would be called successful by some, till photographs of her being manhandled by her husband showed up and then she became ‘oh that poor woman’.

I’ve often struggled with being nice to women who have chosen to be housewives. I felt it was an insult to all mankind and womankind because here were are, trying to say that we can do things too and be all strong and independent and then you go and become a housewife because you are too damn lazy to get off your fat ass and actually do something.

Actually, I still do have a problem with these women… because this isn’t about women empowerment shit. This is about the fact that you are taking advantage of someone else.

The reason there is so much of fuss about ‘feminism’ is because of people like this. Feminism is not a bra-burning, men-hating movement. It was a movement that was born to remove some of the oppression. Sure, we might not see this sitting with our really cool, evolved friends who have more than two working brain cells. But after several decades of being a second-class citizen, where you did not have the right to study, vote, own property or work – which basically meant you were a burden on the rest of the family – people decided that they wanted to do stuff too.

Feminism is about equality. And I really do mean equality. Because when you put one side of the seesaw down, the other one goes up. If one person in a family is not working, that means the other one needs to work doubly as hard. If one person does not have the opportunity to follow their dreams, it means the other one does not either. This is not about putting men down… it is returning a part of what was lost to them in the trial of machismo – an opportunity to be themselves.

Which brings me back to the question – who is the powerful woman? Is she the waitress who turned into a politician? Is she the small-town girl who is plastered as a semi-naked poster in a teenage boy’s room? Is she the social worker who turned into a politician? Is she the everyday woman who does what she has to because she has a family to maintain? Is she the woman who chooses to sit at home and not work because someone else can?

A powerful woman is not really the one who is out there and being seen. To me, she could be the little village girl making her own way in a patriarchal society. Because when we have the liberty to make our own choices, we sometimes forget about the millions of others who do not have that liberty. Who cannot even wish of it.

We cannot stand for those people every single day. We have our lives to get on with. But maybe, once in a while, before berating a woman for a making a choice that is not socially acceptable, perhaps we should stop to think that mere decades ago, you would not even be allowed to have an opinion. That is not about being powerful. It is about just being.