Changes

There were days when summer was the best season in the year. It meant vacations, long lazy days of doing nothing. Summer quietness was a special thing… that serene silence in the afternoon, after a heavy lunch and the feeling that your limbs were drugged. Of course, it was meaningless if we were indoors… so those times were spent in someone’s gardens, on someone’s roof or in a shady corner of the playground, making plans for the evening.

I woke up today morning with the realisation that I now loved winters. The warmth of my comforter, the chilly wind mixed with patches of sunlight on the balcony. The air smells different and a heavy lunch is just the icing for the day. The days are surprisingly short… pitch dark by 6 in the evening. I wrap myself up in layers and sit in that little patch of sunlight… does it make it old?

Today my bones feel weary, like they have walked many miles. The weak winter sunlight, the cool breeze and the lingering peace of the afternoon feels refreshingly soothing.

In a couple of months, I will be waiting for the summer heat again… maybe. But in too long to remember, I can feel winter descend on the city… with its sharp breeze, shorter days, darker nights and the overpowering fog covering us all.

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Sunday…

What do I write about today?

There is a faint whisper of melancholy which has begun to irritate me. I have begun to realise the meaning and the futility of a “rebound” relationship and wonder why people do indulge in it. And the realization has effectively dissuaded me from pursuing any such thing. Which is perhaps a tragedy, but better a tragedy than a farce.

I am getting a little tired of myself and the constant speculation about ‘what happened’ and the pain of missing someone. I mean get over it already is what I’d like to tell myself. But, apparently, even between my mind and heart, there is a considerable distance… like the distance between saying it and actually being able to do it.

The “long weekend” has been rather unfruitful, mainly due to my own laziness or tendency to procrastinate. Now, it is sunday and I wonder what the hell I can get done in this one day. Quite torn between just letting it all be and lazing around; or frantically running around getting things done.

Indecision plagues me… to the extent of picking my deodrant. They didn’t have my regular brand, so I ended up picking two (though in my defence, they didn’t have testers so I had no idea what would smell good on me or not. And after already have picked up one – Reesomething – don’t pick it up – I didn’t want to make a mistake)

This is a life lesson – when you undecided, you end up picking up too many things and most of it tends to be things you do not want.

Good news – I finally entered this mega photo contest where I really do not have a chance to win. Merely looking at the awesome photographs in it make me realise that. But I still shelled out 2 grand and entered the fricking contest… you can see the link on the top right hand side of the page. So now I need to popularize it and have people vote for me. This is the link. Go for it!!! I’m not bad, even if not brilliant – yet. I was seduced by the promise of “prizes” and “portfolio” and all that shit.

I really do need to get around to making my own website for my photographs. And yeah, improve my photographs before that and get over this ‘no photoshop’ hangover I seem to have when the rest of the world take mediocre photos, clean it up on photoshop and voila!

I need do hit the refresh button on my life.

Edit: To start with, how is the new template? (Com’on lemme know you are here!)

Song of the day: Pink Floyd: Another Brick In The Wall

(Yeah I know I should post the video but somehow… I wanna link it. It is all the same anyway, right?)

The Day I Shud’ve Stayed in Bed

Blackberrys, iPhones, smart phones, touch phones, laptops and touch pads. Technology rules us and I’m fast growing sick of it. So much that I didn’t even want to write this. I actually scribbled on a piece of paper, till I ran out of time to write.

This is one of those days when I shud’ve stayed at home. There is nothing worse than being super busy, corrections and emails from your boss. Rather the super boss. And the email being sent to every single person that matters.

It is a myth I guess that i work well under pressure. I need a little bit of pressure to get me moving but too much can really put me out of joint that I do thinks for the heck of it. And I make mistakes, which makes me more annoyed and hence more mistakes.

You know what they say about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone? It doesn’t work when you enter the twilight zone, which is where I feel I am right now. everything is going horribly wrong and I’m super close to losing it!

I don’t know hy!

Why are my mistakes always so glaringly huge?!? They are rare but whatever comes across makes people forget all the good work I’ve done over the months. And praise is sparingly meted out anyway.

It is perhaps time to move. Pull out that address book.

***

Anyway, other things to take my mind off (not that I thought anything but what I was doing today. No reading 😦

Tiger Woods – What WAS with that apology? I hear it stopped markets and had most number of people tuning into it in a long time. The guy cheated on his wife. Got it. Cheated on her a lot. Yes. And then he apologizes in front of a camera, in front of the whole world? When his wife is not even in the room?

And now he is apparently undergoing the 12 steps treatment for sex addiction. Okay maybe there is such a thing. But how do you define it? How do you differentiate a cheating because from sex addiction?

More than half the celebrities out there have cheated on their wives. Boris Becker? Shane Warne? So what’s the fuss with this guy? They gain notoriety, fame, fortune… women are attracted to that and boom. It just means he had no will power and didn’t respect what he had enough. Finito. And how does this stop him from playing his game? Just because his secret’s out, he can’t play golf anymore? WTF!

^^^^
In other news, there was a fire in a building just down the road from where I work. 9 people died I believe. It was the closest a tragedy struck home. And this is a popular building as well… housing some of the favorite weekend spots in the city. And I know it should’ve all been sad and upsetting, but the TV channels turned it into such a farce.

I absolutely hate it when they loop the same 10 second footage over and over again. In this case, it was of a guy jumping off the building (whoever shot it would’ve made tons!), people being helped out of the building.

Why can’t they interview some of the people standing there? Get some fire experts, building security experts to talk? In a normal manner that is. Just because there is airspace to fill, they keep harping about the same subjects. 24-hour news channels were the worst things to hit television and I say this despite being a journalist. Or because I am a journalist. It absolutely goes everything that we were taught or why we wanted to be reporters.

^^^
<^> More, Richard Marx apparently played at the Rock Fest over the weekend. Do not ask why Backstreet Boys (do they still exist?!?!?!) and Richard Marx were playing in a Rock Fest, but wish I’d known! Would’ve loved to see him in concert. I absolutely die for “waiting for you”.

<^> I realised I really do need to buy more formal clothes, there are sales happening everywhere but I lack the money, the motivation, the time and energy to go shopping. What a bummer!

I hope whatever this phase is, it passes soon.

Song of the day: Waiting for you – Richard Marx

Moods

Music: Fool’s Garden (Lemontree)
Photos: the little kitty photos I took last night
Book: Just finished The Paradise Trail by Duncan Campbell. Sorta interesting. Have a huge pile of magazines to go
Weather: A little cold
Food: Boiled eggs. Craving for chocolate truffle
Scents: Lavender candles
Movies: Last watched was Sherlock Holmes… Home Alone it probably is.
TV: Entourage Season 3. Yup I’m hooked.
Sounds: Sheer silence.

Bluesy it is.

Song of the day: Nights in White Satin – Moody Blues (I do pull them out only on certain occasions)