The Government is Watching You Watch Bad Programs

I was watching ‘American Pie’ on TV last night… the movie was the first movie I ever watched with a lot of cuss words and funny sex and all that. Of course, I watched it on my computer without my parents really knowing, because I wasn’t really sure if they would approve or not.

A few years later, I watched a rerun on TV happily, knowing my parents wouldn’t really fuss about it.

But watching it last night on TV was like the parents had already gotten to the movie and deleted not only every single swear word, but also words like ‘sex’, ‘dick’ and its synonyms that were used in the movie.

What is happening with Indian television? We still use vats of glycerin on TV, with women decked up more than an average Christmas tree boohooing about their in-laws, husbands who are having affairs or missing children. We have Hindi movies that swear like a local hooligan on the Delhi metro.

And they bother censoring words like ‘sex’? And not just censoring, they subtitle it as ‘making love’ every time, if they absolutely have to. And they do not dare subtitle the word ‘ass’ as ‘ass’. They say ‘buttocks’ or something even more stupid.

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? That is supposed to clean up our language and save our culture? What exactly is the point of such censorship? And why has this gone unnoticed so long?

They sneaked up on us… They changed content. And then there was that horrible black line “If you have a problem with the content…” and then all the offending words just disappeared from TV.

In the age of cable, everyone has the freedom to watch what they want. Parents can install child locks on TV, they can give open access to only certain kinds of programs to their horny teenagers who will get sooooo worked up by even hearing the word sex or seeing people exchange a quick peck on TV. Who the hell is the government to censor what I want to watch?!

Where is the “coming soon” – stuff that leave you hanging

You know what I hate? Waiting.

Particularly for a sequel of a book, a movie or a sitcom where you need it to find out what happens next. I stopped watching serials on TV because they’d always leave you hanging at the end. They resolve one issue and just as you settle down in satisfaction they create another problem and leave you hanging for a whole week in anguish.

So I took to watching sitcoms in bulk. Wait till it has peaked, rent the entire fricking series and watch it. Unless it was something fun like Friends.

I was reading this book Eragon (by Christopher Paolini). I first discovered this book over an year ago. 3 books in the series had come out and though Eragon starts off quite slow, it is catching. By the end of the second book, you really want to know how the bad guy is killed and what happens to Eragon and his dragon, Saphira. In most of the fantasy books, the good guy kills the bad one and he takes over the throne. The woman, be she elf, dwarf or human, will be by his side and if he had another sort-of fling in all the adventure, she’s killed somewhere (did Bollywood copy that idea or was it the other way).

But in Eragon, you wonder who’ll be the woman… because there is the elf, who is hey! sexy and smart, and there is a witch. And there are a few other women who could have the option too. So the author needs to decide what he’ll tweak and why. Except Paolini is either living off the money from the first 3 or has a writer’s block, but there has been no book or an announcement of the book since the last one – Brisingr – was published in 2008.

I would’ve thought Random House would’ve come up with something or the other. The first book was even made into a movie, which fell a little flat. The dragon was beautiful in it but the rest really needed some work. I didn’t watch the whole movie… but then to be fair, much of the action in book occurs towards the second half too.

Anyway, so now i am just plain frustrated about waiting for this 4th book – for what was supposed to be set of 3 in the first place. Public memory’s short Mr.Paolini.

Another thing I got tired of waiting was How I Met Your Mother. I know technically the sitcom ends when he meets the mother… but hey! I so badly wanna know!!!

Efficiency is deeply appreciated in matters like this. Imagine if they’d made a Star Wars movie where we had to wait for another 10 years to know Hans lived or not when he was… cemented. Or if Indiana Jones survived a jump off some cliff. Indian movies in particular love this “returning to life” philosophy, which unfortunately has bled into serials as well. I laughed like a loon when one of those K-serials bought back a guy they’d killed off simply because the public loved him and they said “he met with an accident and had amnesia”. Bah!

This is why I loved Harry Potter. I knew the date when the next book was coming out by the time I was done reading the current one. It was a bit of a disappointment to see it end… (though I hated the 6th book! What the hell was all the snogging about? It maybe Brit but the word reminds me of pigs kissing… not to mention it didn’t deserve a whole book!). I don’t particularly care about the movies… the first 3 were a joke right from the casting of Dumbledore and the way they ‘modified’ the script… and then realised they’d have to chop out whole lots of stuff from the sequels because there was no way to go back and explain all of that again – and the bits they chopped was what gave the series its charm. The 4th was good animation… least you could forget about Harry Potter books and watch it as a movie. 5th was brilliant and now they plan to chop up the snogging book into two??? Whatever for?!? Two whole movies of teenage kids kissing? Don’t we have enough of that already?

Imagine if Peter Jackson had decided to do this to Lord of The Rings. After he’d been cursed and chopped up by the fans, he’d never have won all those Oscars. The books were a hit for a reason. They are cults. If they had decided to say.. hey! we don’t need those two other midgets… oops, hobbits… in the movie – there never would have been a Fellowship.

And the last of the latest hit series – Twilight. Who likes it? If you are a fan, stop reading this now. There have been various articles talking about the ‘teenage psychological significance’ about the book. BS. Right. The best though I think was something I read recently about how Bella was an empty shell of a girl. she is described so very vaguely that any teenage girl could say “hey that’s me. i have bad days… days where I feel blue. I have a crush on this gorgeous guy in school who doesn’t look at me” – does that sound familiar. Of course it does!!! It is every teenage girl, including perhaps Cindy Crawford, Giselle and Sushmitha Sen. And then the guy who is supposed to be the ‘dream boy’ – he is always by her side, moons over her, watches her sleep and has sweet smelling breath (and no problem of BO). Pfft!

No wonder it was a hit. I didn’t have a problem with the veggie vampires but I just wanted to shake Bella and bitch slap her and say “woman get a life!!” It is a little stupid how she keeps moaning about being invisible when there are at least 3 guys fighting for her hand. Would it really scar the pysche of teens? I don’t know. I mean Harry Potter didn’t send all the kinds to find wands and dragons and stuff. It is a book… but it just reinforces stereotypes so much!!! Weak girl. Strong boy who always comes to the rescue, even if he caused the problem in the first place and is dead.

Okay maybe I get what those critics were talking about. It is extremely passive aggressive and unhealthily dependent. Not to mention – every teenage girl starts wanting a guy like that even if he were dead. Would be so much easier to dream about Johny Depp. Least there is more of a chance of that maybe happening… you could be stranded on an island and he could be… and in the couple of hours it takes for the coast guard to locate you via GPS, you can have an interesting time.

Anyway, which is the book/movie/sitcom you gave up waiting on? Or wished had never been published. My vote for latter seriously goes for Twilight!

And has anyone ever managed to finish The Wheel of Time?

Song of the day: RadioHead – Karma Police

Entourage. Of all sorts.

Nearly 7 AM. I should’ve been asleep 4 hours ago. I’ve a full day. I’ve a full weekend actually.

But I came home and wanted to finish up a few chores. And those chores required multitasking so I started playing Entourage Season 4. And though I meant to watch it only as long as I was working, I watched the entire 12 episodes. Why? What hooks me to this?

It is fluff. When I’m done, if you ask me to explain the whole plot in an interesting way, I really can’t. But it still gets me… perhaps it is the friendship of the 4 guys, the loyalty, mixed with a few moments of lightheartedness. It is funny… though I simply cannot bear Johny Drama. I pretty much fast forward most of the scenes that has only Drama and Turtle. Eric is the one that gets me.. the shy guy who has some surprises hidden in him. Vince is the guy I’d date but never more. And Ari…he’s exactly the kind of guy I’d fall for. Lol. He’s the hottest… and the arrogance… gotta love it.

The show I hear wasn’t really that  much of a hit. Not surprising… how many people would wanna watch the glitter of Hollywood, big boobs and naked asses on a weekly basis on television, with ad breaks if it was not with other purposes? And if I didn’t watch it at a go, it would probably be a little slow. But there is something interesting… not about the working of Hollywood because despite having various appearances of familiar names, this thing doesn’t show shit about the way Hollywood really works (mostly) but this is about a group of friends and living it big.

It helps it has a few good looking men… but I’m not sure what audience it was aimed at. Sex n the City was aimed at all the women out there… True Blood is from the teens to the vamp fans who love a good love story or some such thing. This one… not sure. But for late nights, it fits me.


On the side, I pretty much froze my ass off at work today cuz the AC was finally working after 2 fucking years and it was jammed. So the temperature couldn’t be regulated nor could I really shift the blast of air, so it was on my hair and my fingers were frozen. I was so glad to get out of it that when it was time to go home, I got into the cab, loved the warmth and said to no one in particular “I bloody froze my ass off. They just didn’t turn the fuckin ac off!”

The guy in the cab heard it and for some reason he felt compelled to play back this speech he had downloaded from some Osho ripoff called Osho Rajneesh or something… and this was about the use of the word ‘fuck’. It went on about how ‘fuck’ was the most used word in english and could be used in so many ways and went on with some examples and about how the word simply was… the most pitifully used. Perhaps the intention of making the speech was funny, but the intention with which this guy played it was a little annoying. The speech was interspersed with people laughing in the background and while K went on about how brilliant this was, I said I found it a little annoying. He did get the hint and switch it off but i wondered what gets peoples back up when women swear? I know I mentioned this a little while ago but seriously… I wasn’t referring to a person or swearing at him.

I would’ve perhaps let it ago if I’d frozen my ass off earlier and was a little cranky and for the little fact that yesterday the cab was a little like being in the locker room. By some strange coincidence, a bunch of guys who hadn’t met each other in a while got into the same cab. And I was the only girl. So I plugged in my music and would’ve spaced out except their conversation was louder than the music my earbuds could bear. They spoke about people getting married, women in their departments and some weird jokes about people they knew.

Nope, I do not understand what gets their back up but I think K got the point when i made it a point to use the f-word in a couple of other sentences where I really didn’t need to use it to make a point.

Song of the day: Superhero – Jane Addiction (Entourage theme song for the unenlightened)

Musings of the day…

Facebook is trying to make it like Twitter – public sharing. But doesn’t anyone remember that Facebook was not formed like Twitter? Facebook was formed to share personal information. For personal networking. Twitter meanwhile was supposed to  be about work. Twitter doesn’t include pictures, private videos and conversations between people. Twitter is about ONE. Facebook is about a community. Which is the whole reason people are screaming about the invasion of privacy on Facebook. It is like you told me that I can build a house and then started turning the walls into glass. Not Acceptable!

3D television – really? We want that? As much as a tech buff as I am, 3D is supposed to be for special occasions. Unless you figure out a way to bring it into my living room without putting those weird looking glasses on my face. When i’m sprawled on my couch with a bowl of popcorn, i’m not sure if i want even those glasses to come between me and tv… unless i’m watching Avatar yet again on my super big home theater system.
Watching a movie in a theater – 350 bucks per head for a movie. Really? Are we back to the post-recession prices? So if that’s me having a ‘group’ day out… it’d be 350*4. And then popcorn for all of us plus a couple of pepsis or whatever. Which would be about 150 bucks per head. So we go for a 3-hour show and we spend about 500 bucks at one shot. And this for some weird, 3-hour nonsense which isn’t funny or anything. For something that is funny and worth watching, they hike it by another 100 bucks anyway.
Wasn’ the whole point of multiplexes supposed be cheaper, smaller halls which were easier to fill therefore giving space for small-budget movies to run as well. But now it is back to the era of bigger stars ruling the roost.
Song of the day: Californication. Just Really Appealing today.